Twosday on Friday…

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I have been wrestling this blog for weeks. I knew the day was coming. Which day, you might ask? Twosday, also known as Tuesday, 02/22/2011 at 2 pm. It was the time and day of my first mastectomy. It arrives, as it typically does, offering an array of emotions that inhabit my body and thoughts for the day.

It was just another transition layered in a crazy soup of grief…and loss. Kevin’s diagnosis and death, a mourning time, and just as the new normal was evolving into an increasing sense of mastery, life was again disrupted by what no longer felt random; Cancer. I truly felt lost, uncertain, and challenged by what I experienced as a loss of my own autonomy and self-determination. I called it “my hijacking”.

Now, as I honor those losses, I am so aware of how much I gained. Just as the darkness and cold of winter allows for plants to regenerate and bloom again in the spring, I was provided gifts of renewal and transformation. . The love and care of friends and family were absolutely critical. They sustained me. I am grateful to my team of doctors who assisted me back into the world of wellness. And last but not least, a generous cancer community dedicated to the health AND spirit of all who are touched by cancer– no matter where they are in this unpredictable path toward healing.

I continue to be involved in the process of Writing for Healing. I have learned that it is so much more than keeping a journal. It’s not about writing eloquent poems or stories. (Yet, it sometimes happens that way). It’s not about the mastery of syntax or spelling (as I often demonstrate). It’s about noticing. It’s about listening. Not only to the wee voices we struggle to hear, but the roaring ones that we have been stifling — holding the lid down tight — We sometimes need a safe place to find the courage to lift the lid, release the beasts and discover that we have the power to stand with The Beast — Uncertainty. I am inspired each and every session by participants’ engagement in this process and awed at how writing facilitates their ability to wander wholeheartedly through the landscapes of their emotions and give them strength and meaning to keep walking.

I am so very excited about a new project. Write Through It: Coping With Cancer. In a nutshell, it’s a doctoral study to determine if writing can help cancer survivors cope. It will build on 30 years of research and am so proud to be a part of that. I have started recruitment for the first group, which will start at the end of March.  I will be doing some fundraising along the way and will let you know how you can help.

Today, my life is both full and in flux. I continue to be patiently impatient (Thank you, Kay Adams, for that nugget). I recently completed my certification as a Cancer Coach and look forward to progressing in my training for Transition Coaching. My web page is taking me forever but is moving forward. I am still migrating my practice from Castro Valley to San Rafael. (Commuting is rough!) I continue to facilitate cancer support groups at Stanford Valley Care in Pleasanton, a writing group at Bay Area Cancer Connections, and today — 02/22/2019— at 2:00, I will be facilitating a cancer group at Zuckerberg San Francisco General. It’s a good life. And I most definitely notice.